Rapture, Chemtrail enthusiasts find affinity

Organizers of the recent rapture/chemtrail convention held in Las Vegas last week expressed jubilance over the event’s success. “We never dreamed that delusional fearmongering could be such a powerful force to unite liberals and conservatives,” said Crystal Whitebread, president of the recently formed Fundies and Flakes society, which sponsored the event. “It was really quite touching.”

Participants on both sides expressed satisfaction that, despite their many differences, they were pleased to find another group sufficiently gullible to buy into their terror and fantasy-based belief system.

“We’re hoping this will become an annual event -- unless the Lord shows up before then” said George Rockworthy, leader of the conservative Christian group Nuts-4-Rapture based in El Paso, Texas.

“It’s like these folks were totally into our trip,” said Karmakrishna Starshadow, of Berkeley CA. “Usually people lay some establishment-sort of trip on us, like we should worry about facts or something. But these guys were, like wow, they’d believe anything we said! Anyway, if the Air Force doesn’t exterminate us before next year, we’d like to come back.”

Similar tones echoed on the other side. “Generally, sensible people dismiss us as fanatics,” complained Rockworthy. “But these folks were just like family. They were very accepting of any doomsday scenario we might have to offer. It’s so refreshing to meet folks who ain’t so damn concerned that justifying our obsession with the Bible by quoting the Bible might be a bit circular. What’s so damn bad about those circles anyway, Halleluja Jesus!”

“Yeah, like crop circles!” joined in Starshadow.